Its been a very strange week for me. November has come around a lot quicker than I would have liked and I am caught off guard but the feelings this page on my calendar encourages.
Sometimes I wonder about how different, for better or worse my life would be if Dad was around. He was my sounding board and no one can come close to him in terms of wit and honesty. I have just about stopped getting teary eyed when I see a packet of jelly babies, let alone in a place to admit that he is never, never coming back and no amount of futile praying is going to change that. le sigh.
This week also saw me peel back a couple of layers of myself.
I am in my early twenties and I know exactly what I want. This seems to frighten people. As the retort is;
Pah, you’re so young, live a little!’
I am living. I am living a life that I am very comfortable with. It may not involve any of the radical pastimes my peers are enjoying but best believe, I am getting my kicks.
Hoping to meet someone who understands that. Anyone. Just someone that encourages my version of ‘fun’ that would be awesome.
Yesterday, I was ready to peel away from my desk at work and head to a personal training session. I LOVE my own company and have strict rules about keeping my work life and personal life very, very separate.
But then Tim (my crush) and Adrien (my lovely muse) talked me into ‘living a little’
If you lot have been readers of this space for long, you know who T(o)im looks like! ; )
So I went. And spent most of the night trying to hide from the camera
Vodka and Cranberry, since I was 19.
I was having a great time. Catching up with Adrien was a godsend. By 9pm I was ready to call it a night. So I slipped into my Nike outerwear and tried to say my goodbyes. But then I was roped into a evil drinking game!
Apparently I have a very cheeky face but slide under the radar because I’m cute. Who knew?! lol
Apart from a rocking hangover, I was glad I went. Nice to let the ‘hair’ down, once in a blue.
So, I am slowly learning to ‘have fun’, ‘relax’ and ‘live a little’ but it has to be said, once you know who you are and what you want, remain true to those ideals. Compromise and leave room for error but don’t let the expectations of others dictate the path you choose.
This morning speaking to Jack, he said ‘Candie, there is no rush. Slow down. You are doing too much. You have the rest of your life.’
And thats when it hit me.
I no longer am wearing a cloak of immortality. Once you have dealt with death, the watch you set your life by starts to tick really loudly and you are aware of every second. So it’s like this; so what if I am tired and hardly know my left from my right?! I am living right now. And that is all I can be sure of. The rest of my life is not promised. I have to work with now.
In other RunningGearFetish news:
OMFG. Jamaica swag in full effect. Please, please, just take this in!
once more for those in the cheap seats;
This is weird for me cause shorts are way out of my comfort zone. But, who gives a shit. Really? Exactly
I am not playing. RunTheWorld is gonna be a smash. Cause my wardrobe says so.